Frequently Asked Questions
- Do I have to pay for shipping?
- No. Shipping is free to the lower 48, AKA real America.
- When will I receive my bag?
- Bags will ship by the end of June, well before they're needed.
- I don't want this anymore. Can I cancel my order?
- Did you know that the radio is also a flashlight?
- No seriously, can I cancel my order?
- Donald Trump believes in taking personal responsibility for your actions.
- I don't live in the USA. Can I buy a bag?
- No. This is America's problem, not yours.
- I got this as a gift. Will the recipient know it's from me?
- No, especially if they don't survive The Purging of the Disloyal.
- I am a Trump supporter and I have strong opinions I want to tell you about.
- We are very interested in hearing them. Call us at (312) 756-0834.
- Donald Trump is a genius businessman and the strong leader we need to shake up Washington.
- Okay.
- You're sold out! What will happen now?
- First, the Great Catastrophe will descend on North America. You will flee south with your family, but the Red Dust will find you there. The Purging will take your spouse and children, but you will successfully hide out inside a latrine hole. You will emerge covered in urine and feces and, realizing your family is dead, you will wander into the Red Waste. The radioactive particles will creep into your lungs, making it difficult to breathe. Then it will permeate your bloodstream, affecting your ability to walk. When the Red Dust enters your brain, you will lose all motor function. As you lie twitching on the dry earth, you will picture your family as they were in the beforetime and shed a final tear for all you've lost. With your dying breath, you will whisper, “Why didn't I sign up for this promotion sooner?”